More Chicken than people in the world!!!

The last one week has been filled with events in the business and political arena that have startled any normal human thinking brain. Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer’s decision to pull back the ‘work from home’ policy and Wharton’s decision to cancel Narendra Modi’s address at the Wharton India Conference being two of them. There is definitely one thing established when we witness the outcry let loose by these events - there are more chicken than people in the world!!!!!

The fundamental for any school or educational institute (especially a B-School) is to provide to its students a platform of diverse thoughts and perspectives.  Subsequent to that, would be to encourage students to listen to the idea, understand its fundamental character, study decisions taken and forecast the impending, and debate the possible implications (considered or not) within the context in which the idea was born. An absence of any of the 2 ingredients – diversity and context/ framework -  gives rise to a mob mentality. One witnesses a crowd hysteria that in more ways than one plays out like songs from an IPod running on a shuffle mode.!  Ramdom thoughts played out attempting to slam a revolving door!

Many have questioned Marissa’s decision on pulling back the ‘work from home’ policy at Yahoo. Her decision has sparked off a debate on whether it was a wise decision, the relevance of the policy itself, and of course, on her ability to lead Yahoo through tough times. Does it take an IQ more than a double digit to realize that none of these are at play when the organisation (Yahoo) is at the brink of a shut down and that Innovation and Collaboration is the only way out?

“And for the rest of us who occasionally have to stay at home for the cable guy, please use your best judgment in the spirit of collaboration. Yahoo isn’t just about your day-to-day job, it is about the interactions and experiences that are possible in our offices”.

Strong, candid words expecting people to THINK! The quality and relevance of the decision and the conviction with which it was rendered is definitely deserving of praise!  Marissa Mayer’s leadership seems reflective of the magical art of alchemy! Like an alchemist, she is defining and re-defining Yahoo’s activities as comprising an art and science of transformation and transmutation. She is leveraging basic ideas, ordinary human beings, and classic organisation structures to turn the Yahoo image into gold. Let’s get back to the drawing board, get our heads together, and get the blue print out!!!! If this is not a powerful metaphor for basic management principles and effective leadership, then we need to revisit the curriculum in our management schools.

Now, compare the language of this email to the official statement put out by Wharton! It’s like watching a game of chess and twister at the same time.  Like a game of chess, there can be only 2 players at the max. And as in Twister, there is no limit to how many can play. The players are required to put themselves in unlikely or precarious positions, eventually causing someone to fall.  No prizes here for recognizing who is playing which game!!!

Wharton – a premier biz school, with its vision to produce graduates who would become ‘pillars of the state, whether in private or public life’ has failed miserably in living up to it. For many years, I studied in a well-known Institute in India, where I witnessed active debates on core issues that plague our nation – at a social and political level. There were many a times when I didn’t agree with what was being debated, the premise on which it was debated, and plenty a time when I was against it. It was a debate nonetheless. It doesn’t matter whether you agree or not. What’s important is that you hear it. Listening doesn’t imply acceptance. As Voltaire said, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to death your right to say it.” What I believe in, when voiced, needs to be substantiated, logically and rationally. And to believe in something, and be convinced about it, one needs to necessarily listen to both sides (if not all) of the argument. The essence of leadership is building the courage to speak up and displaying the consideration to listen- both of which Wharton has failed miserably at - “There go my people. I must find out where they are going, so I can lead them.”

Moreso, a premier business school invited an individual to speak at their conference. The invitation was made public. And in 24hours, rescinded, again publicly! BECAUSE there was a public outcry within the Wharton campus questioning the decision on inviting Mr Modi!!!!  

“However, as a responsible student body within the Univ of Pennsylvania, we must consider the impact on multiple stakeholders in our ecosystem. Even as we stand by our decision to invite him, we believe that this course of action would be the most appropriate in light of the reactions of the multiple stakeholders involved”… so says the official statement released on March 3, 2013.

It’s baffling to think that a biz school wishes to stay on neutral ground and is shocking to see it defend its stance in a language that defines ‘political correctness’ and ‘arcane empathy’ towards the invitee. A classic game of twister!

Whatever be the circumstances of the actions taken by either Marissa or Wharton, there are definitely two lessons learned here:

a)      Dear Marissa… thank you for teaching me that “The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg and not smashing it!”

b)      Dear Wharton….You can do better than this! “I did not become a vegetarian for my health. I did it for the health of the chickens.”… IS just NOT good enough!

So Consumed by ‘The Glass Ceiling’…

I remember reading somewhere that “…after a visit to the beach, it’s hard to believe that we live in a material society”! But we do live in a material society – a society that is replete with routines that are financially, socially, and time demanding. There is no legal need, no real penalty but a pressure, a kind of symbolic violence that makes us succumb to the routine. We seem to live in a society that barrages us with the incessant need to make certain investments, buy a particular shampoo, eat in a special restaurant, buy a house,.. The list is endless. And this cajolery happens in very structured ways – advertisements, marketing, peer pressure and last but definitely not the least ‘word of mouth’. If the ads don’t get to us, our family will. If our family will let us be, our friends might not! We will hear about it, and we will make a choice. The question though being, “Is it US who really make up our mind?” The influential information that we receive about fashion, beauty, mass culture, comes to us through the media, such as magazines, posters, flyers, TV, radio, and the internet – modern technologies of mass persuasion. It crystallizes public opinion and in a way controls the masses – the elements that constitute consumerism!!

Consumerism has become a corner stone of today’s post-industrial age material society. By the age of 10, a child today has seen at least a million commercial messages via the TV, radio, newspaper and billboards, and over the years is exposed to an even more complex society where he / she grapples with ideas and concepts and then struggles to find answers. What career should I pursue? What languages should I learn? What should I invest in? Does God exist? Am I getting a fair deal? With this kind of exposure, it’s tough to live in a modern world today without being a product of consumer society.

Consumerism is a concept that an expanding consumption of goods is advantageous to the economy! This can also be applied to the intake of a thought or a belief. The theory of consumerism maintains that consumers are psychically manipulated by the mass media to crave more and more consumer goods, and thus power an economy that depends on constantly expanding sales. There is the product / thought that someone (a Jane Doe) believes in and perhaps has experienced its existence in whatever form.  Jane Doe then talks about it. The locus of consumerism resides in the production function.  And when Jane talks about it, the locus resides in the production, which in this case, is in the ‘talking’ of that thought. Once articulated, the creator of that thought has no control over it. The thought takes a life of its own and is further disseminated in varied forms.

The concept of ‘the glass ceiling’ is one such. The proliferation of a conviction that ‘the glass ceiling’ exists is unpretentious and comes across as a powerful compensation for oppression!  So, when we speak of the existence of a glass ceiling, and substantiate it with examples, case studies, numbers and the works, it reflects a belief in its all-pervading presence. One of the biggest conundrums in this age of plenty, addictions, and depression is that the debate on ‘the glass ceiling’ has become a part of an everyday conversation in the corporate world.  It has become the norm for leadership forums, seminars, conferences, training programs, articles to examine the glass ceiling! When we talk about it in schools, colleges and to anyone who is starting off on her career, it reads as “It’s out there and you need to be ready for it!” With our co-workers in Corporate India, the debate is centered on what needs to be done to break through the ceiling, and the symptoms displayed thereof. The discussion is centered on the premise that the glass ceiling is not simply an obstacle for a person based on his /her inability to handle a higher level job. Rather, the glass ceiling applies to women as a group who are kept from advancing higher because they are women”.  The debate is kept alive in more ways than one to ensure that, as a society, we stay focused on the symbol of oppression –the glass ceiling!!!! If this fact does not get a woman to pause and realize that her naiveté is taken for granted, then dare I say, that the product has well consumed its target audience.

There is a lot debated on what ‘causes the glass ceiling?’ And rightfully so!  The deliberations are an attempt to create a fair, diverse and healthy environment to the work force.  However, these discussions, in more ways than one, also tend to reinforce and strengthen the presence of the glass ceiling. We sashay through the formative years of our careers convinced that there is a need to display a set of behaviors to cope with the glass ceiling. These debates, thus take on the appearance of a “conscious and intelligent manipulation of organized habits and opinions of the mass” (Bernays, Edward).  And those who influence, constitute the ‘invisible government’ – a force that reinforces the idea in a way that it gains immense speed and strength as it spreads rapidly. In this context, the female consumer is definitely not happily consuming but is now being consumed by the inestimable reflections on how to counteract this invisible barrier! We begin to play vigilante to ourselves!  Watch it unfurl in conversations at the workplace, in conference rooms, during appraisal discussions, in the movies, ads, and on TV!!  

We spend an immense amount of time dealing with the consequences of the ‘glass ceiling’. As a society, we find our answers through policies, procedures and within the legal framework. How do we deal with harassment at the workplace? What are the laws that we need to ensure a society that is free of discrimination? At an individual level, there is a great deal of time and effort being spent in being that ‘special’ and ‘perfect’ person at home and at work. And in the process we forget the essence of ourselves as an individual. Therein, lies the rationale of why and when we experience the proverbial ‘glass ceiling’. Our life, therefore, turns out to be a series of moments where we move from one role to another attempting to display one perfect behaviour after another.  This show can’t go on forever!! It needs to come to a stop at some point. It is at that exact moment when we say ‘ENOUGH’ that the glass ceiling materializes. The ability to ‘walk the talk’; a dialogue which we have perfected is now at the brink of a menopause. We get tired of ambling that talk. It is a struggle to put the real me in a box in order to go back and do my job. We do our job, as do most of us, in all integrity, at the end shredding a piece of us. The essence of being is in our ability to be ourselves minus the mask. We don’t need to be a vigilante to deal with the glass ceiling.   

Can we pull back the conventional tentacles of debating the symbols of oppression to make new rules for a more fair game? Rejecting the consumption of the idea of a ‘glass ceiling’ is liberating. The need is to create or look for an alternative – a choice that goes beyond the invisible and debilitating forces, a thought that is empowering in its very essence and guarantees a freedom to explore the universe.  How about some simple Blue Sky Thinking? 

“Inside Indian T20 – An All-out for No Loss!!!”

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. The latter missed a superb out-swinger and Thomas said, “It’s red, round, and weighs about 5 ounces.” Next ball, Viv Richards hits Greg Thomas out of the ground and replies, “Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it.”

My brother must have narrated this to me at least a zillion times. And every time he has, it has been with the same zeal and enthusiasm of a cricket enthusiast. Sometimes, I was quite sure, that through the narration he would channel Viv Richards!!! The point being that, cricket in our country, brings with it, a fervor unparralled… and my brother in more ways than one is an embodiment of that commitment!!!!

When I think of cricket, I think of my brother, Viv Richards, Krish Srikanth, and for some strange reason Alvin Kalicharan – and all of them in the same breath. Very different individuals with free flowing spirits, personalities who have lived life on their own terms, loved the game (a game I have tried to understand) with a passion that many a times is tough to explain. Cricket is not a game that I love. I tolerate it for varied reasons.  Some of the reasons are the people I have mentioned above and add to the list Sachin Tendulkar! The T20 has caught my attention indeed and I must confess, has enhanced my understanding of the game.  My years in corporate life have also taught me to look for the underlying plan / strategy (as many corporate honchos would term it) in the game. I recognize it at times, and many a times, I don’t.

 ‘Inside Indian T20’ written by a friend and an ex-colleague Ravi Ramu, came my way. Listening to my brother discourse about cricket is great (I love my brother). Watching it on TV makes it tolerable (I revere my companion, my TV); but, reading about it, and what more as a BOOK, was a clear no no!  Love is NOT for all seasons!!! Nonetheless, I embarked on reading it with the mindset of a skeptic, out to explore for some possible magic in a game of cricket. I guess, at that very moment, when I picked up "Inside Indian T20", I knew exactly what Greg Thomas must have felt. I had to go looking for something that I was sure would take me ages to find!!!! I had decided to play through the book, and so, pulled out a nice big wad of chewing gum and with the blithe intent as flatters Viv Richards settled down to play my innings with as many ‘agricultural shots*’ as possible! (*Agricultural shot: this is a swing across the line of the ball (resembling a scything motion) played without much technique)

“Inside IndianT20” explains how Ravi bought, managed, and guided a professional T20 cricket team…. And well, took it to championship glory!  The narrative through the book details every bit that goes to procuring a team, the format of the game, the challenges faced thereof, and the emotional labyrinths of the players, spectators, and that of everyone and anyone associated with the action involved. The account moves swiftly through the pre-game and then onto the matches. There are moments when as a reader, you would go for that highlighter to make note of some of the most obvious (yes very obvious) and common sense filled stretches; events and memories (like ‘Mexico City, 1968’, Pg 76,) etched out, that appeal  not just to the cricket buff, but to anyone who would agree that metaphors exist for a purpose. I have christened it the ‘1968’ speech – that reflects the idiom ‘a pride in oneself is what it is all about’.  The book in its main plot talks of the journey of a T20 Cricket team to its victory. However, inextricably woven into it are the author’s reflections on various aspects that are touched upon by many of our management gurus, showered with heaps of common-sense.  There are brief moments in the book that could qualify for ‘Wooster-Jeeves moments’. One can almost, at the background, hear Jeeves murmur “I endeavor to give satisfaction sir” during the ‘Fred Astaire’ reference (page 123). I steered through ‘The Start-up’, gained speed with “The Team” and picked up my own version of The Ashes with “The Game”!!

Ravi gives an interesting insight into why teams and their franchisees succeed or fail. The book plays out as a critique not only on  the modern day version of cricket, but also on policies and procedures in the corporate world. He displays the ability to see the funny side in the most bizarre and perhaps even petrifying of all moments. The language is simple. There is the easy to relate vocabulary. The analogies marked out appeal, not only to the believers, but also the non-believers of this religion called Cricket! The book has the ability to capture a wide audience.  It’s a book that one would pick up, to quickly read through a flight, perhaps while in transit, or over a relaxing weekend only to realize that there is the need to revisit it. The author makes references to people who he has interacted with in the course of guiding the team; people, one could perhaps easily relate to. The ease and the immediacy with which the characters are referred to lend it a fair amount of credibility. There are moments when one would wonder on the reasons for a touch and go with a few. But, well, this is not a work of fiction! The characters in a novel are made out of sentences; but those in a book like ‘Inside Indian T20’ are fleshed out from the author’s experiences. It takes a moment for the reader to grapple with that though.

I liked the book! The ease with which I could navigate through it had the essence of a Viv Richards or a Srikanth innings. Bat in hand, sans helmet, chickle in mouth, both had the uncanny ability to make the game look like a cake walk. Reading “Inside Indian T20” is to experience the fun of traditional first class cricket with the speed of a T20,…. a poetic fervidness elucidated in prose…. Viv Richards playing a T20! You will see me in the VIP stands, for sure!

Well, not bad at all! I am not too sure if I would venture to read another book on Cricket; but well, can now look at my brother in his eye and say “Ok, lets watch “some” cricket!” 

Cindrella to CEO….. Hand in Hand!!!!

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the wont’s. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. .. Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. “

I remember reading Shell Silverstein, many years back, when doing research on Children’s literature.  And every time I read this quote, it would bring to my mind, a number I had heard and seen as a child – Chal, Chal, Chal Mere Saathi. A song epitomized by the superstar Rajesh Khanna. The movie ‘Haathi Mere Saathi’ was released in 1971. I have absolutely no recollection of the plot or the story line. The only thing I remember though is the song and the sequence – the lyrics, the color, the emotion and the charisma of Rajesh Khanna that has stayed with me through the years. I re-live my childhood and the dreams of a romantic teenager every time I listen to it.

As a child, the song captured my imagination with the presence of the elephants. The playfulness of the animals, the simplicity of the lyrics and the joy projected was enough to keep me glued to the screen and watch/ listen to it over and over again.  It felt like a kitten huddling in the shelter of a clasp.

chal chal chal mere haathI, o mere saathi
chal le chal khaTaaraa kheench ke
chal yaar, dhakkaa maar
band hai moTar car
chal yaar dhakkaa maar
chal chal chal ...

phuulon sI naazuk hai vo, moTar mein baiThii hai jo
aahistaa aahistaa chal, usako nA takaliif ho
hai hai, khaa nA jAye
hai hai, khaa nA jAye usakii naazuk kamariyaa bal, chal
chal chal chal ...

And as the years went by, the same song took on a meaning that perhaps was the essence of my life then. A teenager, a young woman, who dreams of a life that has her love in it, a world where there is fun and totally devoid of the do’s and don’ts (that she is otherwise surrounded with), and a realm where she cherishes to be ‘bashfully independent’.  It’s a time where she straddles between her desire to be liberated in every sense of the term (in this case represented by Tanuja driving a car) and her dream of being treated with extreme kindliness by her knight in shining armor. Romance, in my heart and mind, then was a blend of individuality and acquiescence.

khidamat terI kaam de, shaayad vo Inaam de
kar us hasin ko salaam, aaNkhon se paigaam de
paas AjA, o sun raajaa
paas AjA, o sun raajaa
aisA maukA nA jAye nikal, chal
chal chal chal ...

I was surrounded by the all-powerful (elephants), the man who controls that power (Rajesh Khanna), and yet, it is ME who is in charge!!!!  An image that you carry through your teens into youth!. Sounds weird and quite silly at some level today; but well, it was a metaphor that I held on to. I want to be on the driver’s seat! 

tU yaaron kA yaar hai, kitanaa wafaadaar hai
jhuuThaa hai saaraa jahaaN, sacha terA pyaar hai
tU pagalaa, nA badalaa,
tU pagalaa, nA badalaa
sArI duniyA gayii hai badal, chal
chal chal chal ... 

And then the grand finale…. Of the all-powerful being the one and only!  

I have pirouetted as a child, smiled secretly as a teenager, beamed in youth and leered as an adult at the same metaphor - and I have enjoyed every moment of it.  The man who made this happen – Rajesh Khanna is no more. There has been no one as charming a romantic super hero as him. Amitabh Bachchan is and will always be the handsome angry young man. Aamir Khan is the radical, and the rest are …well… stars!!!! Rajesh Khanna is the Don Quixote and Sancho Panza rolled into one.  

I am a very different person today. I speak the language of ‘liberation’, believe in self-fulfillment, and encourage the removal of barriers. And in the midst of it all, feel the flutter in my heart from time to time.

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. I have played with this lovely song through all these years.  Listening to it is to experience the ‘weak at the knees’ moment. It is an excitement that is always welcome.

Mr Rajesh Khanna…. RIP…. The romance is still alive in me!!!! 

“Merry and Tragical! Tedious and Brief! That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow” (Theseus' wonderment at the description of the play that Bottom and his friends are to perform. ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’)

Alliance Francaise Bangalore celebrated World Music Day on Sunday, July 17, 2012 and I was not in the least bit surprised to see that the Bard featured there. I remember reading an article that featured way back (early 2000s? in a newsletter ironically called ‘The Onion’) that recognized the Bard as The Ultimate Rapper. My response then was that of intrigue strewn with bits of exasperation. My experience with Shakespeare was traditional… reading him aloud thereby experiencing royalty, foolishness, and tragedy. Then came the day when I watched a modern dramatic representation of “Coriolanus”. It was an outstanding experience where the director presented his interpretation of the play with an eye to contemporary events. The bard had done it again. The relevance of his thoughts was beyond the all-pervading… it was all-enduring.

This was reinforced on Sunday at the Alliance Francaise, where I heard an interesting interpretation of the Bard’s Sonnets (30^th and 65^th) presented in the form of Rap. I love Rap… Traced back to African roots, it gained a lot of popularity in the 1970s as Street Art in the US; especially, amongst the African-American teenagers. The daily struggles of living in poverty and illegal ways of obtaining money became the theme; and, over a period of time, it evolved into a philosophical representation of a society that raged rhythm and speed into its lyrics. To the untrained ear, it is like watching F1… an event that is characterized by high end cars zipping across that you lose sight off in seconds. The trick though is in staying with the speed and following the strategy of each vehicle… in this case, the lyrics itself.

Rapping essentially involves chanting of rhyming lyrics set to a beat; and is often accompanied by drum beats. The rap depiction of Sonnets 30 and 65 had it all - Trilochan Kampli on the tabla, Sameer Rao on the flute and Suchitra Lata lending  voice.  The representation had all the ingredients of Rap – speed, rhythm, lyrics … 14 lines of each absorbed in approx. 14seconds! Earth (Tabla), Air (Flute), Fire (Choral), all flowing in!! The rendition of Earth was remarkable – it displayed the toughness and balance of its terrain, merging magnificently with Air. The beauty of Fire was in its fervor to merge with the moment. The balance of a flicker to an inferno was the need to merge with Rap…

I liked it. It was interesting. It was an untrained ear listening to a form of art where the lyrics vanished in the plethora of diversity!  “O None, unless this miracle have might” the compelling line of all from Sonnet 65 was lost in its rendering. The sonnets are about the ravages of time on both love and life.  He uses the term “dear friend” for the first time in Sonnet 30. The representation was great to the point of different effects brought together … I needed the mélange!!!

Well, Shakespeare was right…Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.  And I do hope that I get to live the spirit of bard through the tides of Rap. After all,… tomorrow is truly another day….

“And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything…”

An African / African-American style epitomized by an Indian band, lending voice to European Lyrics through a native style to a composite audience of old and young, modern, post-modern and the traditionalist….! Now, that’s diversity in the true sense. The weave was great… Could I now see the threads stand out without hurting the weave? The Soul, Sun and Flare and Soular Flare!!!

Cook with Wine… it gives you a high!!!

I think I was about 12-13 years old when I started to observe my mother in the kitchen – cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes and all. That was a lot of work!! Nothing about that entire process was alluring and neither was it repulsive. In my mind, then, it was what all moms did. Her life in the kitchen was important; perhaps, even essential, as all of us had to eat. Well, and who wouldn’t want some good food. A couple of years later I started cooking. Rice, curries, and some of the usual, typical south Indian dishes that we had all got addicted to. Mum was happy, Dad was proud and the rest of the family thought it was normal for a 13yr old to aspire for culinary expertise. I am not too sure on how I felt about that… again, not repulsive! So, it was good to go.

For me cooking was then a recipe:
30 mins of Mom’s time
10 mins of sheer wonder (watching the change of color of the veggies)
15 mins of appreciation from Dad and all those who included ‘praise’ in their life
and another 10mins of savoring the piece of art

A few years went by when I began experimenting with my cooking and well, mom being mom… she just knew. Cooking sautéed with research was like wine and cheese! There were times when people would pick on me for the experimentation; typically, reinforcing the idea that there was only ONE road to heaven. An extra spoonful of spice (which to me was the love of my life) or a dash of more tang would give rise to comments, opinions, feedback and the works. It didn’t impact my mom though. She would give me her smile, at times a ‘poker look’ (depending on the source of the comment) and life would resume like nothing had happened. It was just me trying to be me… and what was wrong with that? She neither defended me, nor rejected me. It was the ‘all is well” look! She seemed unruffled by the comments. Does that mean, I need to be unruffled too? Well, perhaps….works for me!

It was good! An experiment, an adventure and a total roller coaster ride which was filled with its moments of fear and happiness all bundled together. If my stove had a ‘save as’ button like in Word, well, I could have saved all those disaster recipes that I had embarked on! Well, we live and learn.

Today, when I walk into my kitchen, with the intent to experiment, there is no fear, no anxiety, and no sense of “what if.” I am proud of my “what-the-hell” attitude. It has helped me in the kitchen and outside.

Yes, outside too! The need to experiment began with my rendezvous in the kitchen. There was no stopping. There was no ulterior motive assigned to my learning the skill of cooking. It was the sheer pleasure of experiencing a skill that I was exposed to and with no assessments round the corner. I was interested in everything that constituted a kitchen, examined it, handled it, tested it, pulled it apart; with no sense whatsoever of what is valuable, fragile or even dangerous. “No, no, don’t touch that. It’s too hot, too sharp,  it will hurt you, you will break it… I need it.” None of those existed. I definitely didn't hear the “You will get married one day, you need to learn how to cook”. I haven’t yet got the co-relation of marriage and cooking; but, that is a discussion for another day altogether.

Learning is intrinsic to all that I have spoken about thus far. A child has a very strong desire to make sense of the world, to move freely in it, to do the things that she sees the bigger people do. Why can’t we use this drive to get her to understand and grow her skill? I didn’t see my mother divide fractions one by another and hence Math wasn’t a driver for me. I did see her cook and I wanted to cook too. I did, I conquered (a lot more than culinary expertise) and might I say, I am a much better person today. When I feel the anxiety of failure at work, or in relationships, I wear my apron. I have learned to experiment and deal with the fear of failure. Well, after all, there is always another recipe!!!!!  

Vigilante Behaviour

Guess, there is always something that strikes a chord when one is watching TV.  One such moment when I was watching CSI NY; an episode titled Vigilante! A rapist is found murdered and the CSI unit is out to investigate if any of his victims is responsible for the murder. Well, the science takes its course and the story reels on as always, for close to an hour. This specific run had moments that referenced the myriad interconnected factors of the content, values and structure of a thought process that reinforce a behaviour that is so prevalent in a modern woman.

Hawkes: We're wasting a whole lot of man hours hunting a killer that should get a medal for doing the community a service. 

Lindsay: There's a body on a slab in Autopsy, Hawkes. 

Hawkes: Yeah, and he beat and raped at least ten women. I'm surprised to hear you defending him. 

Lindsay: Why? Because I'm a woman I should cheer his death? I'm a cop first. As much as I despise what he did, I don't advocate vigilante justice. Come on, Hawkes. You're a doctor. What would you do if Clarke came into your ER? Hawkes: He didn't. He's dead. 

Lindsay: That's a convenient answer. 

I am a cop first, a mom first, a woman first…. a manager first… and this list goes on! And I thought I was an individual / Anuradha first. How do you go about doing your job / roles and still be yourself? I guess this is a question that has so often been posed in countless ways. There is so much of time and effort being spent in being that ‘special’ and ‘perfect’ person at home and at work that one tends to lose out; might I say, perhaps even forget what the essence of herself is. I am not sure if men experience the same. Needless to say, I haven’t been a man and thus wouldn’t have an answer for that. However, as a woman, it has plagued me. And somewhere along in these 4 long decades, I am not sure if I have lost out on the spirit that governs the ME in me. I do hope not.  

Therein lies the rationale of why so many women experience the proverbial ‘glass ceiling’. The show can’t go on forever. It needs to come to a stop at some point and it is at that point when she says ‘enough’ that the glass ceiling materializes. The ability to walk the talk; a dialogue which she has perfected is now at the brink of a menopause. I guess I got tired of ambling that talk. In Lindsay, I saw a struggle that I experienced so many times. The struggle to put the real me in a box in order to go back and do my job. I did the job, as do most of us, in all integrity, at the end shredding a piece of us.  

The essence of a being is in her ability to be herself sans the mask. I don’t need to be a vigilante to deal with the dark forces.