Cindrella to CEO….. Hand in Hand!!!!

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the wont’s. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. .. Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. “

I remember reading Shell Silverstein, many years back, when doing research on Children’s literature.  And every time I read this quote, it would bring to my mind, a number I had heard and seen as a child – Chal, Chal, Chal Mere Saathi. A song epitomized by the superstar Rajesh Khanna. The movie ‘Haathi Mere Saathi’ was released in 1971. I have absolutely no recollection of the plot or the story line. The only thing I remember though is the song and the sequence – the lyrics, the color, the emotion and the charisma of Rajesh Khanna that has stayed with me through the years. I re-live my childhood and the dreams of a romantic teenager every time I listen to it.

As a child, the song captured my imagination with the presence of the elephants. The playfulness of the animals, the simplicity of the lyrics and the joy projected was enough to keep me glued to the screen and watch/ listen to it over and over again.  It felt like a kitten huddling in the shelter of a clasp.

chal chal chal mere haathI, o mere saathi
chal le chal khaTaaraa kheench ke
chal yaar, dhakkaa maar
band hai moTar car
chal yaar dhakkaa maar
chal chal chal ...

phuulon sI naazuk hai vo, moTar mein baiThii hai jo
aahistaa aahistaa chal, usako nA takaliif ho
hai hai, khaa nA jAye
hai hai, khaa nA jAye usakii naazuk kamariyaa bal, chal
chal chal chal ...

And as the years went by, the same song took on a meaning that perhaps was the essence of my life then. A teenager, a young woman, who dreams of a life that has her love in it, a world where there is fun and totally devoid of the do’s and don’ts (that she is otherwise surrounded with), and a realm where she cherishes to be ‘bashfully independent’.  It’s a time where she straddles between her desire to be liberated in every sense of the term (in this case represented by Tanuja driving a car) and her dream of being treated with extreme kindliness by her knight in shining armor. Romance, in my heart and mind, then was a blend of individuality and acquiescence.

khidamat terI kaam de, shaayad vo Inaam de
kar us hasin ko salaam, aaNkhon se paigaam de
paas AjA, o sun raajaa
paas AjA, o sun raajaa
aisA maukA nA jAye nikal, chal
chal chal chal ...

I was surrounded by the all-powerful (elephants), the man who controls that power (Rajesh Khanna), and yet, it is ME who is in charge!!!!  An image that you carry through your teens into youth!. Sounds weird and quite silly at some level today; but well, it was a metaphor that I held on to. I want to be on the driver’s seat! 

tU yaaron kA yaar hai, kitanaa wafaadaar hai
jhuuThaa hai saaraa jahaaN, sacha terA pyaar hai
tU pagalaa, nA badalaa,
tU pagalaa, nA badalaa
sArI duniyA gayii hai badal, chal
chal chal chal ... 

And then the grand finale…. Of the all-powerful being the one and only!  

I have pirouetted as a child, smiled secretly as a teenager, beamed in youth and leered as an adult at the same metaphor - and I have enjoyed every moment of it.  The man who made this happen – Rajesh Khanna is no more. There has been no one as charming a romantic super hero as him. Amitabh Bachchan is and will always be the handsome angry young man. Aamir Khan is the radical, and the rest are …well… stars!!!! Rajesh Khanna is the Don Quixote and Sancho Panza rolled into one.  

I am a very different person today. I speak the language of ‘liberation’, believe in self-fulfillment, and encourage the removal of barriers. And in the midst of it all, feel the flutter in my heart from time to time.

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. I have played with this lovely song through all these years.  Listening to it is to experience the ‘weak at the knees’ moment. It is an excitement that is always welcome.

Mr Rajesh Khanna…. RIP…. The romance is still alive in me!!!! 

“Merry and Tragical! Tedious and Brief! That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow” (Theseus' wonderment at the description of the play that Bottom and his friends are to perform. ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’)

Alliance Francaise Bangalore celebrated World Music Day on Sunday, July 17, 2012 and I was not in the least bit surprised to see that the Bard featured there. I remember reading an article that featured way back (early 2000s? in a newsletter ironically called ‘The Onion’) that recognized the Bard as The Ultimate Rapper. My response then was that of intrigue strewn with bits of exasperation. My experience with Shakespeare was traditional… reading him aloud thereby experiencing royalty, foolishness, and tragedy. Then came the day when I watched a modern dramatic representation of “Coriolanus”. It was an outstanding experience where the director presented his interpretation of the play with an eye to contemporary events. The bard had done it again. The relevance of his thoughts was beyond the all-pervading… it was all-enduring.

This was reinforced on Sunday at the Alliance Francaise, where I heard an interesting interpretation of the Bard’s Sonnets (30^th and 65^th) presented in the form of Rap. I love Rap… Traced back to African roots, it gained a lot of popularity in the 1970s as Street Art in the US; especially, amongst the African-American teenagers. The daily struggles of living in poverty and illegal ways of obtaining money became the theme; and, over a period of time, it evolved into a philosophical representation of a society that raged rhythm and speed into its lyrics. To the untrained ear, it is like watching F1… an event that is characterized by high end cars zipping across that you lose sight off in seconds. The trick though is in staying with the speed and following the strategy of each vehicle… in this case, the lyrics itself.

Rapping essentially involves chanting of rhyming lyrics set to a beat; and is often accompanied by drum beats. The rap depiction of Sonnets 30 and 65 had it all - Trilochan Kampli on the tabla, Sameer Rao on the flute and Suchitra Lata lending  voice.  The representation had all the ingredients of Rap – speed, rhythm, lyrics … 14 lines of each absorbed in approx. 14seconds! Earth (Tabla), Air (Flute), Fire (Choral), all flowing in!! The rendition of Earth was remarkable – it displayed the toughness and balance of its terrain, merging magnificently with Air. The beauty of Fire was in its fervor to merge with the moment. The balance of a flicker to an inferno was the need to merge with Rap…

I liked it. It was interesting. It was an untrained ear listening to a form of art where the lyrics vanished in the plethora of diversity!  “O None, unless this miracle have might” the compelling line of all from Sonnet 65 was lost in its rendering. The sonnets are about the ravages of time on both love and life.  He uses the term “dear friend” for the first time in Sonnet 30. The representation was great to the point of different effects brought together … I needed the mélange!!!

Well, Shakespeare was right…Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.  And I do hope that I get to live the spirit of bard through the tides of Rap. After all,… tomorrow is truly another day….

“And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything…”

An African / African-American style epitomized by an Indian band, lending voice to European Lyrics through a native style to a composite audience of old and young, modern, post-modern and the traditionalist….! Now, that’s diversity in the true sense. The weave was great… Could I now see the threads stand out without hurting the weave? The Soul, Sun and Flare and Soular Flare!!!

Cook with Wine… it gives you a high!!!

I think I was about 12-13 years old when I started to observe my mother in the kitchen – cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes and all. That was a lot of work!! Nothing about that entire process was alluring and neither was it repulsive. In my mind, then, it was what all moms did. Her life in the kitchen was important; perhaps, even essential, as all of us had to eat. Well, and who wouldn’t want some good food. A couple of years later I started cooking. Rice, curries, and some of the usual, typical south Indian dishes that we had all got addicted to. Mum was happy, Dad was proud and the rest of the family thought it was normal for a 13yr old to aspire for culinary expertise. I am not too sure on how I felt about that… again, not repulsive! So, it was good to go.

For me cooking was then a recipe:
30 mins of Mom’s time
10 mins of sheer wonder (watching the change of color of the veggies)
15 mins of appreciation from Dad and all those who included ‘praise’ in their life
and another 10mins of savoring the piece of art

A few years went by when I began experimenting with my cooking and well, mom being mom… she just knew. Cooking sautéed with research was like wine and cheese! There were times when people would pick on me for the experimentation; typically, reinforcing the idea that there was only ONE road to heaven. An extra spoonful of spice (which to me was the love of my life) or a dash of more tang would give rise to comments, opinions, feedback and the works. It didn’t impact my mom though. She would give me her smile, at times a ‘poker look’ (depending on the source of the comment) and life would resume like nothing had happened. It was just me trying to be me… and what was wrong with that? She neither defended me, nor rejected me. It was the ‘all is well” look! She seemed unruffled by the comments. Does that mean, I need to be unruffled too? Well, perhaps….works for me!

It was good! An experiment, an adventure and a total roller coaster ride which was filled with its moments of fear and happiness all bundled together. If my stove had a ‘save as’ button like in Word, well, I could have saved all those disaster recipes that I had embarked on! Well, we live and learn.

Today, when I walk into my kitchen, with the intent to experiment, there is no fear, no anxiety, and no sense of “what if.” I am proud of my “what-the-hell” attitude. It has helped me in the kitchen and outside.

Yes, outside too! The need to experiment began with my rendezvous in the kitchen. There was no stopping. There was no ulterior motive assigned to my learning the skill of cooking. It was the sheer pleasure of experiencing a skill that I was exposed to and with no assessments round the corner. I was interested in everything that constituted a kitchen, examined it, handled it, tested it, pulled it apart; with no sense whatsoever of what is valuable, fragile or even dangerous. “No, no, don’t touch that. It’s too hot, too sharp,  it will hurt you, you will break it… I need it.” None of those existed. I definitely didn't hear the “You will get married one day, you need to learn how to cook”. I haven’t yet got the co-relation of marriage and cooking; but, that is a discussion for another day altogether.

Learning is intrinsic to all that I have spoken about thus far. A child has a very strong desire to make sense of the world, to move freely in it, to do the things that she sees the bigger people do. Why can’t we use this drive to get her to understand and grow her skill? I didn’t see my mother divide fractions one by another and hence Math wasn’t a driver for me. I did see her cook and I wanted to cook too. I did, I conquered (a lot more than culinary expertise) and might I say, I am a much better person today. When I feel the anxiety of failure at work, or in relationships, I wear my apron. I have learned to experiment and deal with the fear of failure. Well, after all, there is always another recipe!!!!!  

Vigilante Behaviour

Guess, there is always something that strikes a chord when one is watching TV.  One such moment when I was watching CSI NY; an episode titled Vigilante! A rapist is found murdered and the CSI unit is out to investigate if any of his victims is responsible for the murder. Well, the science takes its course and the story reels on as always, for close to an hour. This specific run had moments that referenced the myriad interconnected factors of the content, values and structure of a thought process that reinforce a behaviour that is so prevalent in a modern woman.

Hawkes: We're wasting a whole lot of man hours hunting a killer that should get a medal for doing the community a service. 

Lindsay: There's a body on a slab in Autopsy, Hawkes. 

Hawkes: Yeah, and he beat and raped at least ten women. I'm surprised to hear you defending him. 

Lindsay: Why? Because I'm a woman I should cheer his death? I'm a cop first. As much as I despise what he did, I don't advocate vigilante justice. Come on, Hawkes. You're a doctor. What would you do if Clarke came into your ER? Hawkes: He didn't. He's dead. 

Lindsay: That's a convenient answer. 

I am a cop first, a mom first, a woman first…. a manager first… and this list goes on! And I thought I was an individual / Anuradha first. How do you go about doing your job / roles and still be yourself? I guess this is a question that has so often been posed in countless ways. There is so much of time and effort being spent in being that ‘special’ and ‘perfect’ person at home and at work that one tends to lose out; might I say, perhaps even forget what the essence of herself is. I am not sure if men experience the same. Needless to say, I haven’t been a man and thus wouldn’t have an answer for that. However, as a woman, it has plagued me. And somewhere along in these 4 long decades, I am not sure if I have lost out on the spirit that governs the ME in me. I do hope not.  

Therein lies the rationale of why so many women experience the proverbial ‘glass ceiling’. The show can’t go on forever. It needs to come to a stop at some point and it is at that point when she says ‘enough’ that the glass ceiling materializes. The ability to walk the talk; a dialogue which she has perfected is now at the brink of a menopause. I guess I got tired of ambling that talk. In Lindsay, I saw a struggle that I experienced so many times. The struggle to put the real me in a box in order to go back and do my job. I did the job, as do most of us, in all integrity, at the end shredding a piece of us.  

The essence of a being is in her ability to be herself sans the mask. I don’t need to be a vigilante to deal with the dark forces. 

Connecting the Dots…

Well, there is so much that I want to do. And so little time. So much has happened in the past 12hours. And for whatever reason, there has been this chain of events that are so isolated; but yet, at some level seem to stand out as being part of a common thread of experience.

Last evening, I visited an aunt of mine; an individual who is so exceptional in more ways than one. Clarity of thought, expression, and clearly someone who I have seen literally ‘walk the talk’ in the field of education.  My visit to her place yesterday, was like walking into a jewelry store and being asked to pick the diamond of your choice and at no cost!!! I walked out with a pile of books, documents and articles -all hand written. Tons of materials on education.  I haven’t been able to get my eyes off all that I see so proficiently written.  It was like walking back in time and hitting the virtual Google.  And then, I wake up today morning to a call from an ex-colleague of mine who was desperately trying to reach me for the last couple of weeks.  A fairly senior person in age (58, I guess) currently with a large MNC. He has been on the lookout of a change of job and was requesting for help. I recall the hiring drive many years back, when we hired Ramesh. It was part of the ‘diversity’ initiative in our organisation then.  This was an attempt to hire ‘baby boomers’ and ‘women candidates’. This was the ‘in thing’!!! And over the years, that I have participated in these ‘drives’, haven’t for once seen the relevance of the entire act.  

We hired a total of 25 ( 5 ex-service men, 10 in the age of 50+ and ~ 10 women). They all went through the same Induction program – an attempt to induct the group to the corporate world. They all met with the leadership team – individuals who waxed eloquent the ‘’gyan” on how to make it big in the organisation… etc etc etc. And then on day 3, all 25 of them disappeared into the ocean of 80,000+ employees in the organisation. I didn’t hear from them and neither they from me. So, what was the point? Why did we hire them as part of a specific initiative, if we did not want to spend time with them? All that we did was to work out a plan on inducting the group to ‘our way of thinking’! And I could see George Orwell smile back at me… with a twinkle in his eyes that said ‘I told you so’!

The intent of a diversity initiative is clearly to get diverse perspectives – viewpoints that will challenge, and thereby help the organisation grow / develop. And I am not sure if we did get their perspectives at all. I recall going back to my computer and resolving people issues in a manner quite similar to the way I did the day before and before…  

Ramesh was part of that group. We have spoken a couple of times at work, have had coffee conversations on specific issues and have seen him struggle through some of the challenges that the corporate world can pose to many. And there was nothing that we did, I did, to help him through that. The expectation was for him to blend in. Well, if that was the expectation, then why indulge in a specific diversity hiring drive at all?  

“Education is meant for development, whether it is meant for the individual or the nation, thus implying the importance of the development of Education”… and this is the conceptual framework and rationale for anyone in the field of learning and development. It came back to me while ruffling through the files that I gained from my aunt yesterday.  THERE IS VERY LITTLE (in fact NOTHING) THAT I HAD DONE TO INDUCT THE ORGANISATION AND THE LEADERSHIP TO THE PEOPLE WE HAD HIRED. We had failed as a learning organisation.   

Google doesn't have ALL the answers. Most of the times, the solutions are right there in front of us. I need to raise my head from the keyboard, look at the person sitting next to me, and irrespective of the age, gender, race… he /she had the potential to set me in the right direction.  Therein lies the power of diversity.  And articulates for me, of all that I want to do!!!! 

Guess I have connected the dots after all… my aunt, an ex-colleague, a handful of manuscripts and my dream !

‘Fire in the Belly’…..we don’t need Pyromaniacs for that!!!!

I didn’t know the relevance of the word “perspicuity” till I actually saw it in play a while back. Weekends are meant for relaxing – in whatever form one can think of. Sleep till late in the morning, late breakfast / an early lunch,  siesta, reading, couch potato and catching up with friends (ahem, on the phone).  It is definitely not meant for one to wake up at 9am and participate in a fire drill in your condominium.  The temptation to escape it was high. I have been through innumerable drills of sort, which includes fires of the literal and figurative varieties at work. Now, did I really want to participate in one at home over the weekend? A cup of tea, the morning newspaper, and the comic strips in vision, I had settled down on my couch with the definitive view of staying perched atop it till late noon. And it was at that very moment, I heard the shrill siren blare followed by a loud banging on my door. The next thing I knew, I was walking down the stairs with the entire neighborhood towards the safe area!!!! This is NOT what I wanted to do.  

The roll call taken, we all moved towards the atrium for a briefing on what needs to be done IF and when there is a fire. Arrrrr, I have heard this a zillion times and there we go again! So, I put on a smile (more like a grimace), took a back seat (figuratively) and with rapt attention inwardly focused on my evening plans.  And from what I could see, there were quite of few of the adult residents busy on their cellphone. We belonged to the category of ‘been there, done that’!!! We, and not our cellphones, were in the silent mode!

There comes a moment in one’s life when you fathom rather sub-consciously of a change in your environment. You then begin to consciously respond to it with miniscule efforts.  I have often referred to it as the ‘magical moments of change’ – a moment that so encapsulates your being, that you begin to slowly interact with the shift. And it is this interaction and the outcome of the interaction that I term as experience.  

The entire drill was being conducted for the benefit of all occupants of the condos; however, the maximum participation was from the children. What is a fire? What can bring about a fire? What are the consequences of a small / big fire? What can we do to prevent it? How can we take care of people who have burns? Multiple questions and all responses (dare I say, very professional responses) / decisions on how to act, coming from the children. They were listening with rapt attention and were thrilled at the fact that they could respond to these questions in the presence of a large audience – their peer group, parents, parents of their friends, et al. They were passionately and meaningfully engaged with the experts and in the entire drill per se. This active participation made ‘acting the part’ for the adults that much more difficult. They had to be IN THE GAME in true earnestness. Any act of falsehood could easily have been detected by this group of perspicacious angel faces. Inconsistency, is almost immediately detected by children.  Slowly, I could see the ‘been there and done that’ group (including me) switch off their cellphones, and slowly gravitate towards the talk. There was encouragement, applause, and pride being expressed – sentiments that customarily do not accompany a fire drill.  Our cellphones on silent, we were partaking of this very heuristic learning.

Their awareness of what causes fire and true to life and reality responses was a blow to my otherwise adult brain that so constantly filters out the most obvious. The battalion had played its part of being my teacher, trainer and coach.

On weekdays, I am busy at work 12-14hrs. Many a time, am dealing with ‘situations / fires’ that sometimes are triggered by a bunch of emblematic pyromaniacs. Trying to douse it is tough. One needs to ensure that he/ she doesn’t get burned. And in the over-zealous attempt to avoid getting singed, the participation and engagement levels drop. The focus is more on self-preservation than on the experience itself. The learning is always on how to improvise on your protective gear rather than to prevent the next fire; which in turn, gives birth to the “been there, done that” facade.  The children were telling me to “Be There and Do That”; irrespective of how many times - the secret code of bringing home my magical moment of change. I am not sure if I am ready for the next fire; albeit, I had to deal with one, I would like to definitely want to douse it with a difference!  

Present Continuous to Simple Present! A lesson in Hope…

I am having problems. In fact, haven’t been more frustrated than ever as the last couple of weeks. It’s the beginning of a new phase of life and there is so much to do. All that I had asked for this group to accomplish was create a logo and start working on some basic stuff. Clearly, the underlying assumption being that any group who is in the business of creativity must be creative … a notion that begs the question ..”where did you get that idea from?”  Guess, the back and forth of dialogues (duelogues) rather have been uneventful (at least for me). My creative artist endured me diligently with his innumerable questions, probing, inveigling, and in many ways (subtly) persuading me to continue with this not so artistic a relationship.

Today, was different! It was again, one of those conversations where my ingenuity was challenged! The conversation continued and finally, we settled on a course of action. And, for some reason, the conversation meandered to my struggles. The foreboding change that I would experience a few weeks from now!!!!! And I listened to my creative artist friend give me the soundest piece of advice I had heard in a long time. The passion, creativity.. or whatever name you refer to it as is a representation of the creator. Anyone taking directions, can only emulate the passion – but cannot and will not be able to replicate it! And true… this is true in most cases. One cannot insist on a vision!!! One can only hope for it… and therein lies the effort. The endeavor to work with people and a well kindled hope…  I have a solution. .. worth exploring!!!