Swaying with the Wind.... with Ashleys' and Butlers'!

It doesn’t take that too long a time to figure out that life has changed unless someone doesn’t really want to recognize it... though of course it pre-empts the fact that knowledge exists.... it was one such evening.... walking through a slightly chilly breeze; the slight nip in the air, hair let loose, with music flowing into my ears blocking every external sound out and watching the slimmer than the real shadow in front of me.... there was a slight rain, droplets and then dropulets.... One wonders if they are all related... maybe yes... they need to be.... at least that is what Eliot said! In the End was my Beginning!!!

The walk was crisp, brisk initially a tiredness wearing in slowly with the decrease of the pace... so was life.... it had worn itself out and it was time to wear a new one! One wonders if we can wear a new one in the absence of death.... the not so spiritual me asking this question often; maybe one can... the walk was torn between varying maybes!

It was the walk that one usually takes round the place you live... round and round... life goes in circles like this evening walk of mine.... reliving the days moments of happiness and sadness blended into one coming back in different packages instilling nostalgia!! How different was yesterday from today? Not just the walk... but the days as well.... maybe tomorrow will be different... my favourite word... tomorrow... its yet another day! Hopefully, I will meet my Clark Gable then!

Life is about that one long string of nostalgic moments...weird but true.... looking for autobiographical moments in television serials, intelligent conversations, emotional discussions ... it’s like being stuck at a traffic signal, u get the green ,drive a few feet and then get stuck again! U move slowly for some time, speed a bit when the lane gets better and then get a signal again! This goes on ...relationship after relationship after relationship.... it’s like walking into a store and being asked to display all your wares... the fun is showing all that you have the expensive and the not so expensive one... and THEN the person walks away...let me look at another store... “Will come back after having tried somewhere else”.... it’s the price, the colour, the commodity!!!!! Always, the relationship shopped as commodities!! They usually come back.... its settling for the achievable and leaving an (un)settling moment to be born....

And it is at this time that I keep wondering... I am walking now with both my feet on the ground! Thinking through my feeling... Literally, maybe figuratively I am not... always thought its best to be on cloud 9; or at least a few feet above the ground... not wanting to get someone else to sweep me off my feet... or should I just keep waiting?

Guess the walk has come to its natural end... life’s full circle... I got to go back! And take that one thought into bed that ‘when people come together, they need to stay together’.... (I know I read that somewhere... wonder where?) It’s the time of the day when I tell myself safely secure in my Tara taking an oath that I will never ever go emotionally hungry again.... waiting to field through the tomorrow....

It’s the light at the end of the tunnel for me!!!