The Cold Cloud

Guess there are some revelations that hit you at the dead of the night.  It was around, I guess midnight, while watching TV, and amidst all the sniffing that one experiences with the onslaught of a cold, the constant use of a vaporub and the incessant sipping of rum and hot water; hoping that it will make you feel better – that I heard a shrink (ahem, on the other side of the screen) not so subtly assert “if you want to feel better, take a pill. If you want to get it right, face the truth”

The TV screen for the last few days has been a source of providing the ‘distraction’ that one so needs in the throes of a cold and sore throat. And suddenly, it was more than a distraction for me  ...just then!  Guess, I do want to feel better and the irony of it all…there is no real medicine for the common cold. I just have to wait for it to just ‘go away’ and then there hit me the familiar parenting words ‘why are you suffering so often … why don’t you try and understand the reason… etc etc…??” Guess it was like a jigsaw puzzle that falls into place, all of a sudden. 

It was like becoming aware of a feeling that for long existed – with the knowledge of its existence. Not knowing why it was there, how to deal with it and convinced with the consoling words that one often listens to ‘time will tell! It’s all a matter of time’. Guess, one is made to believe that life’s conundrums are like the common cold demanding the patience of time to heal through.  The anxiety of dealing with a decision taken, the nervousness that follows through, the fear of failure, and perhaps the lure of the pragmatic to stay on with status quo.  The heart and the head are never ever aligned. The head says, take the pill… the heart says, face the truth.  

The expression of my face and the language of my body – inert with the suffering of the most common of ailments and I need to get out of it. The truth is not so much the anxiety of dealing with the decision taken – as much as that of the need to prove the rationale of it. The fact  is not so much in the nervousness of the follow through as much as the need to find some inspiration ..someone who has taken the same road. The veracity is not in accepting the fear of failure but in working through the phase before one meets with success.

This heavy breathing just requires that strength of character and a very obtuse sense of bearing to address the anxiety – to set oneself at an angle and listen to your breath resonate.  It IS quite something…. Listening to yourself breathe.  Guess, I don’t need the pill after all… (not that there is one) for this so common an (h)ailment….