Swaying with the Wind.... with Ashleys' and Butlers'!

It doesn’t take that too long a time to figure out that life has changed unless someone doesn’t really want to recognize it... though of course it pre-empts the fact that knowledge exists.... it was one such evening.... walking through a slightly chilly breeze; the slight nip in the air, hair let loose, with music flowing into my ears blocking every external sound out and watching the slimmer than the real shadow in front of me.... there was a slight rain, droplets and then dropulets.... One wonders if they are all related... maybe yes... they need to be.... at least that is what Eliot said! In the End was my Beginning!!!

The walk was crisp, brisk initially a tiredness wearing in slowly with the decrease of the pace... so was life.... it had worn itself out and it was time to wear a new one! One wonders if we can wear a new one in the absence of death.... the not so spiritual me asking this question often; maybe one can... the walk was torn between varying maybes!

It was the walk that one usually takes round the place you live... round and round... life goes in circles like this evening walk of mine.... reliving the days moments of happiness and sadness blended into one coming back in different packages instilling nostalgia!! How different was yesterday from today? Not just the walk... but the days as well.... maybe tomorrow will be different... my favourite word... tomorrow... its yet another day! Hopefully, I will meet my Clark Gable then!

Life is about that one long string of nostalgic moments...weird but true.... looking for autobiographical moments in television serials, intelligent conversations, emotional discussions ... it’s like being stuck at a traffic signal, u get the green ,drive a few feet and then get stuck again! U move slowly for some time, speed a bit when the lane gets better and then get a signal again! This goes on ...relationship after relationship after relationship.... it’s like walking into a store and being asked to display all your wares... the fun is showing all that you have the expensive and the not so expensive one... and THEN the person walks away...let me look at another store... “Will come back after having tried somewhere else”.... it’s the price, the colour, the commodity!!!!! Always, the relationship shopped as commodities!! They usually come back.... its settling for the achievable and leaving an (un)settling moment to be born....

And it is at this time that I keep wondering... I am walking now with both my feet on the ground! Thinking through my feeling... Literally, maybe figuratively I am not... always thought its best to be on cloud 9; or at least a few feet above the ground... not wanting to get someone else to sweep me off my feet... or should I just keep waiting?

Guess the walk has come to its natural end... life’s full circle... I got to go back! And take that one thought into bed that ‘when people come together, they need to stay together’.... (I know I read that somewhere... wonder where?) It’s the time of the day when I tell myself safely secure in my Tara taking an oath that I will never ever go emotionally hungry again.... waiting to field through the tomorrow....

It’s the light at the end of the tunnel for me!!!

Frozen Fires...!

I have felt for long a certain pain that stops at a certain point
A pain that nags on and thus stays
Staying with it till one gets used to it....
Learns to live with it and
Often cries in the darkness of the night
Face down on the pillow
With hair falling over the shoulders

It is the pain that nags and doesn't delve deeper or rise into a blaze
It stays frozen leading to a despairable helplessness
A pain that lies suspended between nowhere
Moving from a nothingness to another nothingness...

Wherefore Henceforth..?

Life goes on and so does everything else; even after having lost that
One precious thing that you always had.

Today, as I sat watching images of reality that often brought tears in my eyes (as it did today) too,
I wondered how he felt about himself and those around him…

Like a blind assassin he walked into my life…
Fielding his way, paving a path through emotions
Growing seeds of faith and belief

Its my life now of challenges and being challenged
Of ways, and waywardness
Of frequent visits and visitations….

Fireflies....!

Streams of heat melting into moulds of varying colours. Seeking shapes of wantonness. Buried in deep sublimity of the fervor … the cycle of birth –death-rebirth was all-explicit in this intricate story of the candle and its flickering light. The cycle of life – the story of passion told by the fireflies!

The Candle of Heat as molten frozen into moulds… shaped through wanted shapes… befitting and beautifying the corners of elite ness! Signifying romance, passion, demureness, and the softening flame caressing through the dark, smoothening the wrinkles of maturity, the melting polish flowing through and around the frozen moulds melting it further….

The fireflies had danced through the night… witnessing the story of tempering and intensifying… It was all the known mystery of reeling in realms of ecstasy! ... about melting, the flowing and merging of one form into the other…. The emerging of the same in another form!

The cycle of birth-death-rebirth, of the melting, flowing and emerging. A series of melting highs and freezing lows! An embrace of hardened ire by drenched passion. A sequence of blissful life … time eludes one and all… the flame of life flickers and in its moment of death brightens the most, spurts of delight and vanishes into thick rings of smoke… circling …lingering for longer moments waiting for the darkness to recede … flames dimming for light to emerge!

The candle had led its life for the night! Experienced the passion of the night, embraced the desire of yielding in. It had danced the yin and yang of life!

"Wordsworth"ian Thoughts...!

I often hear a voice in me singing
The soft tones of a lullaby
Gently drifting me to a different world
Where a form comes by

I hold his hand which caresses me
With joy, love and affection
I hold his hand and lift my gaze
Look up with wonder and with daze
I speak with unspoken words to him
What do want from me? And in what form?

With twinkling eyes and a knowing glance
I see him going far beyond
The hand that I held goes further off
The gaze I see seems melting off

Yet, what power it holds the bond that lies
And, at that distance the answer lies
Thoughts that move between feeling minds
Those thoughts just felt and sensed
The person felt so far yet near
But a being that stays as mine as dear …

Raining Monsoons...!

Glimpses…. A moment in time… a moment in truth
Momentous early showers droplets
Lashing through trees, striking leaflets, slicing through life.
A clump of trees, and a road winding
Eyes tracing droplets, tracing its purity unscathed till it reaches the earth.
Tracing the line of light enlightened like fine drops
Light travels faster… yet not faster than thought
In the flicker of an eyelash
Images rushing through... developed of yesteryears

Metaphors cavalcade at times… sensations gush, emotions surge
Through wringing words.. reigning passions to purge
Like the bursting of a blushing twilight before the monsoon
The collapse of the first drops on parched soil
Thundering forecasts of yesteryears.. lightening nostalgic prospects
All tied together within a single drop… the past, present and future…
Droplets of downpour.. a trickle of desire to torrential deluges!
The growth of birth and the aspirations associated
The love of mist augmenting, dewdrops drizzling, raindrops sliding
Momentous movements of hidden transparency through fragile diaphany to powerful obscurity….
Binding blind to a sense of blindness

The beginning of life falling through pure space.
Is life the descent, impure in its end, work done?
Or an ascent with closure ...
Perception of thought of knowledge of those yesteryears
Leaping back into future. Erasing and rewriting.. me and my self
Living the knowledge of falling in love and rising in person
Riding the crests of adolescence and troughs of maturity
Like monsoonal rains –
Selves waxing and waning through self indulged priorities!

Flow of Life...!

I have often watched the smooth flow of memory
Drifting through the paths of yesteryears
And when it does…

I think of those tomorrows
Which shall come as bright as daylight
Having traveled the dark dreams of the night

It is often that I shall think of today as yesterday,
Cherish those moments and let it linger on for a while
There lies the difference between now and then
NOW I have felt that grip of your palm and the warmth of your embrace
Telling me more than words sought in oral talk
It is THEN that the NOW envelops me and makes me feel the immense loss

Its just a question of time they say
Little knowing that with time the agony grow and with this the suffering too!!
Like the pain felt by the drop of water that runs down the slippery window
In full knowledge that it is slipping by – its own nature causing the nature of the pane

Like that drop of water we learn to flow
With the passage of time we learn to pass on with the longing
Learn to look at our face with the imprint of that which was experienced which hardened us
And softened our tears till there was nothing left in it